Sorrow Is Seen Twice and Felt Once More

Alsifar’s ship floated smoothly along in orbit around Amorak’s home planet. The gentle, serene patterns it followed hid the devastated feelings of its passengers within.

Alsifar had resued his companions from the inferno, once the ship was free of the mountian Alsifar gathered the bodies of his fallen comrades and laid them on the walkway to the interior of the ship. they then flew to the open ocean, where Alsifar deposited the bodies, saying that they had no time for a proper burial.

Immediately afterward, they entered orbit.

For a long time afterward, the members of the group, who were chosen by fate to save existence, were at a complete loss of what to do. Alsifar sat at the helm, saying nothing and showing no emotion. Amorak and Justor wandered the corridors of the ship together, trying to learn the workings of the ship as well as get their minds away from the gruesome images of death.

Elsteba wandered as well, though she had significantly fewer things with which to occupy her mind. She walked for hours, changing her course only when she reached a dead-end. She just kept walking, because she knew that doing anything would keep her from screaming.

What was I thinking, getting myself into this? she thought, never letting her imagination reach farther than her eyes. What, did I think that it would be just a game? A lovely hike? Lots of work involved, but everyone will be safe?

She bit her tongue, stemming tears that threatened to reveal themselves. She repeated the same thoughts over and over in her head, and they never brought her a single bit of happiness or relief. She figured that she could just walk forever, and the haunting images of dead men’s eyes would never leave the forefront of her memory.

She stood before an automatic door, waiting for it to open itself. When it finally did, she was surprised to see Jacob.

“Jacob,” she cried. “What are you doing here?”

Jacob raised an eyebrow. “I should be asking you that, seeing as you’re in my room.”

Elsteba looked behind her. To her amazement, it was, in fact, the room that Alsifar had designated as Jacob’s.

“Sorry, I was just walking around. I wasn’t really paying attention to where I was going.”

Elsteba walked out of the room and started down the hallway. Before she could get more than a few feet, Jacob caught her arm.

“Do you want to talk?” he asked.

Elsteba tried half-heartedly to shake his hand away.

“Trust me. Talking will help you relieve some of the pressure.”

Elsteba hesitated, and then nodded reluctantly. Jacob led her to a bench at the foot of his cot. When they both sat down, Elsteba felt the tears that she had tried so hard to conceal fight their way to the surface again.

“So, first time seeing a dead person?” Jacob asked.

Elsteba nodded, not trusting herself to speak with her grief so close to spilling over as it was.

“You’ll get used to it. You probably should, too, seeing as that probably won’t be the last time it will happen either.”

Elsteba hiccupped and looked Jacob in the eye, mortified.

“I’m not talking about any of us, don’t worry. We’re all pretty tough in our own right. We have to be. I don’t think Alsifar would have called any of us out to help if we would go down that easy.”

But Alsifar didn’t call me, remember? Elsteba thought to herself. With that thought, her tears spilled over, and she began to cry.

Jacob wasn’t sure what to do. He tried to think of what he could say that would calm Elsteba down, but he couldn’t think of anything. He remembered what it was like for him when he first encountered death, though admittedly he wasn’t in the middle of a stressful and life-altering quest at the time. He was devastated on the inside and out. He tried to remember what he did to overcome the feeling.

Finally, Jacob tried to console Elsteba by hesitantly wrapping an arm around her shoulder. Elsteba reacted by burying her face into the front of Jacob’s jacket and crying even harder, letting out great wails between sobs. Jacob was stunned by her response. At first, he thought of getting away and leaving her to herself, but when he tried to edge away, Elsteba grabbed handfuls of his jacket and drew him closer. Jacob resigned himself to holding Elsteba around her shoulder while she released her pent-up stress of the last few weeks.

Jacob looked down at the top of Elsteba’s head. The sight of her crying uncontrollably on his lap caused him to remember, finally, how he had handled his first experience with a fallen friend. He remembered being exactly where Elsteba was now, and the lap was his mother’s. The revelation startled him, but for one moment, he felt what it was like for his mother, holding Elsteba close, stroking her hair, and telling her…

“Don’t worry,” Jacob found himself saying. “Do not mourn for those who have passed on. Cry softly instead for those who are living, and those who are yet to live, for theirs is truly the saddest fate. And yet, what is life to the living, except an extension of the life to those who no longer live?”

Coming out of his own mouth, rather than his mothers, these words had significantly less polish and shine than he had remembered. Looking down at Elsteba, however, he saw a grateful face looking back up at him. No way, he thought. It actually worked?

“Thanks,” Elsteba said, straightening herself up and wiping the lingering tears from her eyes. “It didn’t really make much sense, but it somehow makes me feel a lot better.”

“Yeah. That doesn’t make much sense either, does it?”

“Not at all. You probably need to see a psychiatrist now.”

“That makes even less sense.”

Before long, Elsteba and Jacob were laughing and joking to each other like childhood friends. They hadn’t forgotten the hardships that they had faced, or the challenges that were yet to come. For the moment, however, let the past be buried and the future forgotten.